Hello, at long last.
It’s been three weeks since I came back to America for the holiday break, and I admit, from Korea to here my drive to write has dropped with the temperatures. Maybe I froze up in anticipation of the whiplash of reaching Beijing and returning home so fast. I haven’t even downloaded the photos from the last few months to my hard drive. I haven’t really given anyone a full speech or even boiled anything to a digestible summary. I’m almost desperate to just book a ticket back and keep soaking, impossibly drenched already, in more moving, shifting, changing.
But in paralysis, I am practically already mourning how little time I’ve got, trying to cram in visits to friends and family in every cranny, simultaneously dreading being in a car anymore. I haven’t decided which direction to go when I return to Asia. I read news from Thailand and Cambodia about their riots (for new leadership and higher wages, respectively) in anxiety. I listen for whispers from spirits to tell me what’s right but spend the day somewhat unmemorably.
Is this the processing period? It seems more like stalling. But I forgive myself for being less on-point than I expected. I try to give time and patience, to find victories where I can (cleaning my room, washing the bike, attempting to assemble a calendar), to appreciate time when being with family is so easy and immediate.
By the way, Korea was lovely, despite my only post at its start. And walking along the Great Wall was surreal; breaking ground in Beijing proved wise; and flying hither and yon went without problem.
So here, with a really unbelievably rewarding 2013 giving way to a promising 2014, I’m well, washed, and warm, and just a little confused.
Actually, I’m a lot confused.